This story is from March 15, 2009

Secret love

Mumbai Mirror / Updated: Jun 19, 2023, 17:30 IST

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Here are the things you need to keep in mind if you're heading for a clandestine liaison...

Hush hush relation. (Getty Images)

Doesthe idea of having a secret lover cause a rush of adrenaline in your system?Here are things you need to keep in mind if you’re heading for aclandestinerelationship.
Secretrelationships can seem fun and exciting in the beginning. More than just the joyof being with someone, it is the thrill of keeping something hidden from yourclose ones.
There are manyreasons why you may choose to keep a relationship under wraps. It could be thatyour lover is not good-looking or of a different religion or it could be aworkplace romance. Whatever the case, the fact is you have chosen to be withhim/her. Such relationships generally start as a physical attachment but theycan sometimes turn into something more.
Most people feel more open andrelaxed in a secret relationship as they don't have to worry about externalinfluences. However, maintaining a secret life can be hard work. You have toavoid getting caught together, for if you do, the magic of the relationshipcould disappear. The other possibility is that the longer you spend with yourpartner, the more likely you are to fall for him/her.
However, if you do feel that aclandestine relationship is what you want, here are a few things you need tobear inmind:
Youcan’t share your thoughts
Thoseinvolved with secret lovers realise that while their friends can explicitlydiscuss their romantic life, they themselves cannot do the same. In such asituation you have to be careful about what you say and to whom. Very often youmay also be forced to lie about your activities to family members so that theydo not discover your secret. Being in such a bond could cause you additionalfrustration and stress.
Lovebarriers
Research shows that those insecret romantic bonds have lower levels of relationship satisfaction. While theycan be enjoyable in the beginning, such relationships can become problematiclater. You cannot tell anyone about your secret lover and have to be careful notto be seen together in public places. In such situations, you or your lover mayget annoyed as neither of you can get possessive of each other.
Long termpossibility
Most of us get carriedaway in the rush of the moment but sometimes we have to consider the long termeffects of being in such a relationship. If you really like your partner, youhave to accept that it may turn into something serious. Therefore, you have tobe prepared to break the news to your family and friends. Try and be ready tomake a decision as to whether he/she is someone you want to spend more time withor if it is just a passing phase. You will not be able to consult your friendsabout the decision so it's really up to you to make thechoice.
Berealistic
There are a large number ofpeople who prefer to keep their love affairs under wraps. For many it is aboutescaping from society and questions from peers and family. However, having asecret lover is not as easy and as perfect as a 'Romeo and Juliet' love story.You need to be practical about such relationships as you can end up hurtingsomeone's feelings. Talk to your partner from time to time about yourrelationship and make sure that your lover is clear about where you both standand to avoid any disparity.

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